I had always considered myself to be average. 

Not above, not below.

Just average. 

But you, you pulled at my skin and looked at my soul and I stopped feeling so average after all. 

I tried to fill myself,

With art 

With music 

With distractions. 

But the only thing that I could fill myself with, 

Was you. 

Some part of me still loved you, I knew that. But I needed to turn the page, and write a new chapter in my life. 

Every second I was close to you,

I could feel myself pulling toward him. 

It was like a chord in my chest snapped. And that was it, it was time to finally grow up and move the fuck on. 

The thing about dreams is that even after you wake up it doesn't mean the nightmare is over.

Do you see

              how I love him true--

              it could have been you.

As for you

              and your love for she--

              it could have been me.

But we were a maybe,

              and never a must--

              when it should've been us.

                            -Lang Leav

We must lose everything in order to stand for something. 

And in that moment of anger, everything became clear. 

It's either a fuck yes or it's a no.

It's strange how people walk in and out of our lives.

Temporary fixtures

That seem so permanent. 

I have this innate curiosity of rules--

and how to break them.

I will destroy you in the most 

beautiful way possible. And when

I leave, you will finally

understand why storms

are named after people. 

I like to pretend like my life has direction.

I pretend that I know what I'm doing.

I have no idea.

I'm a walking catastrophe.

Sometimes memories 

sneak out of my eyes

and roll down 

my cheeks.

Those eyes of yours

Could swallow stars,

Galaxies, and universes.

What hope did I ever have?

She never looked nice.

She looked like art, 

and art wasn't supposed

to look nice.

It was supposed to make you 

feel something. 

She buried her ears into the calm

of his heartbeat, 

and in a matter of seconds; 

fell terribly in love

with the way 

her loneliness fell

softly and suddenly, 

asleep 

in his chest.

And if we never talk again,

please remember that I am 

forever changed 

by who you are

and what you meant to me .

Hearts are wild creatures.

Thats why our ribs are cages. 

Sometimes I forget that I'm just a bag of bones.

Stitched together with delicate yarns of skin.

Everyday coming a little more undone. 

I don't want lukewarm love. 

I want it to burn my lips and engulf my soul. 

We stopped looking for monsters under our beds 

when we realized they were inside of us.

Sometimes I'm terrified of my heart,

of its constant hunger for whatever it wants.

The way it starts and stops.

I love sleep. 

My life has 

the tendency to

fall apart when

I'm awake,

you know?

After all this time.

He still had no idea.

Who I was. 

I was looking for somethin' to sink my teeth into.

I didn't know what I wanted,

I never do...

Looking at him with stolen glances,

under the cover of eyelashes,

pretending not to notice his smile...his lips

My heart all the while unmasking me.

It felt like drowning.

Lungs filling with water

Darkness creeping into my vision

Body consumed by my own emotions

No up or down only emptiness. 

He smiled at me like we shared a secret

The words playing on his lips

Laughter hidden behind teeth

Eyes yearning to catch my attention