Sometimes I stand close to the edge of tall buildings and imagine. 

I imagine what it would be like to fall, 

Fall through the air to the ground below.

Would I be facing my death head on?

Or would I want my last view to be of the blue blue sky above.

Would it hurt as I hit the pavement, or would I be numb?

I like to imagine falling off buildings, 

But then I step back, back from the edge

And the thoughts recede back into the dark corners of my mind.

Physically I was only a few inches from him.

Emotionally I was miles away,

playing with someone else's demons.

The depth of his absence 

was like falling into the ocean

waves crashing around me

darkness surrounding me 

cold creeping into my skin.

He was like poison.

Slowly drifting through my veins,

Suffocating my every being. 

I was irrevocably trapped. 

Lost in my lust for him,

A constant reminder of the feelings

I could do nothing to control. 

There was something that drew me to him. Maybe it was the way he watched the world in wonder or the way he licked his lips before he smiled, but I knew from the first moment I saw him that I was hopelessly and utterly lost in him 

As much as I loved him,

and it was a lot.

I couldn't convince myself

to sell the dreams that had

always galvanized me

for a ring and a white picket fence

Undress these beautiful lies

Blind me with animal eyes

Carve your heart into mine

Carve your heart into mine

Brush me with venomous lips

Tear me to passionate strips

Stir up the beast inside

Stir up the beast inside

Until it hurts

Until it hurts

You learn a lot more about a person when you walk in uninvited. 

The puzzle pieces finally seemed to fall into place. Like all our brokenness could be put back together again and create the life we once talked about. But what was to fill the empty cracks of our despair except a void of loneliness.

And the worst pain was knowing that I couldn't do anything to stop the raging hurricane from devouring me.

It was somewhere between here and there that we lost ourselves. The quirks we once loved about each other became qualities we began to despise. The meals we shared were no longer gourmet, but ash in our mouths. Words were transformed from loving embraces to deep cuts on our skin. And all the while we thought we were invincible. We were fools. 

I don't regret my past,

I just regret the time

I've spent with the wrong 

people.

And there are somedays where the most you can do is 

just to walk away.

And then I discovered, 

that you can never count on anyone but

yourself